IDOLISH7 PART 5 CHAPTER 8

[shionstear]

IDOLiSH7 PART 5

Chapter 8 - Donuts and smiles

8.1. Similar people

Outside.

Riku:

Ah… I can see Tsunashi-san’s apartment building. Soon I’ll be able to meet with Tenn-nii…

Ah, now I’m kinda nervous. But it should be fine, right? I have my handkerchiefs and donuts as a present too.

…yes. There’s nothing to be nervous about. I’m just meeting my own brother.

We used to see each other every day before. It’s all Kujou’s fault that things ended up like this.

…okay. Getting mad at Kujou calmed me down. Thanks, Kujou.

Let’s go!

Cut to Ryū’s home.

Tenn:

Welcome, Riku.

Riku:

Ah… Pardon the intrusion.

Tenn:

Ohh, donuts. I love the ones from that place. Thanks.

Riku:

I-I thought you might, so I bought a bunch! Which one’s your favourite?

Tenn:

I do like the cinnamon one a lot, but it’s gotta be strawberry cream.

Riku:

Me too! I got some of those as well. Also some for Yaotome-san and Tsunashi-san…

Tenn:

The two are out right now so why not first eat some ourselves?

Riku:

Okay!

Tenn:

Alright, I’ll go make some tea.

Riku, thinking:

Tenn-nii is so kind… He’s like he used to be… Like it used to be…

Riku:

Tenn-nii, it’s like it used to be…

Tenn:

What is?

Riku:

Ah, nothing! I just thought it’d be a waste to keep it to myself, so it slipped out!

Tenn:

Ahaha, you’re so weird.

Riku, thinking:

He’s gentle and talking with a soft voice, like he used to… I really do love Tenn-nii after all. I wanna treasure him forever.

He didn’t change at all, but I called him names and branded him a traitor…

Tenn:

It’s getting warmer already, but just to be safe I’ll make some black tea, okay? Do you want it with milk?

Riku:

No, I don’t need milk.

Tenn:

Alright. …here you go.

Riku:

Thanks.

Tenn:

The donuts look tasty. I might just end up eating two. Which one do you want?

Riku:

Then I’ll take… this one and this one.

Tenn:

Fufu, thought so. Then I’ll take the same ones, now we match.

Riku:

That used to happen a lot too, right! We were told to pick whichever we preferred and ended up picking the same things.

Tenn:

It sure happened, yes. You always wanted what I wanted.

Riku:

No no, you just always liked what I liked too.

Tenn:

Let’s have a bite.

Riku:

Yes. …yummy…!

Riku, thinking:

Tenn-nii laughed quietly when he raised his face after stuffing his cheeks with the donut.

I shuddered.

It was the exact same expression he showed me the day before he was adopted by Kujou.

Being right beside me but feeling like he was unbearably far away. With that calm but lonely seeming gaze. I now realise what it meant back then.

Tenn-nii told me about how he was going to leave.

It was just like now, resting his chin in his hands, looking happy.

Tenn:

I’m glad you seem so full of spirit.

Cut to IDOLiSH7’s practice room.

Gaku:

Sorry for taking up your time.

Tsumugi:

It’s okay, If there’s anything I can help you with please let me know.

Gaku:

You really are a good person.

Tsumugi:

No, it’s because I’m TRIGGER’s fan. And despite that…

I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything when you were going through difficult times.

Gaku:

Don’t be stupid, you’ve done plenty. Both you and those guys.

Just having people there that know our true selves is incredibly empowering.

So I’m thankful from the bottom of my heart.

Tsumugi:

Yaotome-san… I don’t deserve that kind of praise…

Gaku:

There’s a lot I wanna talk about so let’s get started. Time flies by.

Tsumugi:

Okay. So uhm, what did you want to talk about…?

Gaku:

Could you tell me about Kujou Takamasa?

Tsumugi:

Kujou Takamasa… Kujou-san, Zero’s former producer?

Gaku:

Yeah.

Tsumugi:

Why ask me…? I think you know everything that I know too…

Gaku:

He told me I should ask you.

Tsumugi:

…he did…?

Gaku:

He said you reminded him of his younger self. I don’t believe it, but he said I should ask and see for myself.

He said you’d know what he means. …any ideas?

Tsumugi:

…

Not necessarily…

Gaku:

Right!? I told him to stop lying too! That you two are nothing alike!

But he didn’t pay me any attention, nor did he listen to a word I said! Just so you know, I don’t think you two are similar at all.

Tsumugi:

Ah… But he did give me advice on stage production.

Gaku:

Ah… Like what he did for Zero? I see… So that’s what he meant.

Tsumugi:

Also… I did agree with something he said. That stage production is the magic that adorns idols.

That I want to show the world the idols’ charm points only I know of. That it’s like surpassing a rainbow…

Gaku:

…

Showing the world IDOLiSH7’s charm points. Is that your dream?

Tsumugi:

Yes… I think…

Gaku:

That’s vague. Usually you’d say that with more vigour.

Tsumugi:

…I’m still a novice, but with more experience come more things to worry about.

Like wondering if having the whole world know about IDOLiSH7 is for the best or not…

Gaku:

Is it not?

Tsumugi:

I couldn’t imagine what that world would look like. Whether it's filled with happiness, glory, and dazzlingly beautiful things…

…or if the place beyond the rainbow isn’t a sparkling paradise but the midst of a pitch-black storm where only thunder and lightning reside.

Gaku:

Well that sounds awesome though?

If you’re wading through a storm you can aim for the next rainbow, no problem. I’m sure they could handle it.

Tsumugi:

…Yaotome-san…

Gaku:

The world isn’t that nice. You might feel like you can reach it, but you hesitate…

When we thought we were just about to grab it too, we fell in the complete opposite direction, and lost it.

Tsumugi:

…

Gaku:

The top is that kinda place. Even if you are perfectly prepared and go at it with all you have, you can’t reach it. Go for it with body and soul, without wavering.

Tsumugi:

Thank you very much… I was hesitating with many things… But I think I just got over it a little.

Gaku:

I’m glad.

But I see… Having the entire world know about IDOLiSH7 is your dream, huh…

Tsumugi:

Is that somehow related to Kujou-san?

Gaku:

I once told him something. Your dream is already dead. What you’re holding onto is nothing but a deep-rooted delusion.

Tsumugi:

You mean creating an idol that will overcome Zero…?

Gaku:

Yeah. I want to free Tenn. I want to release him from that man’s grasp.

…but he said I was wrong. That I didn’t understand him.

Stuff happened, so now I feel like I need to understand him. And then…

Tsumugi:

He said I resemble him…

Gaku:

Well technically he said that he can’t introduce me to the person you’re most similar to. That it’s a secret and they’re a student.

Tsumugi:

A secret, and a student…

Gaku:

I dunno who that person is. …he told me he had met you recently and felt that you and that person were alike.

Tsumugi:

Yes, I met him after an IDOLiSH7 concert.

Gaku:

So if I get to know you, I might get to understand Kujou.

Could you tell me? About your dreams and hesitations?

About how you’re feeling about IDOLiSH7?

 

8.2. Under the cherry trees

In Nagi’s room.

Ryū:

Thanks for having me. It’s so quiet today, is everyone working?

Nagi:

Everyone but Riku and me, yes.

Ryū:

You seem busy.

Nagi:

It felt like Yamato and Mitsuki only came to the dorm to collapse onto their beds.

Iori and Tamaki are dealing with both work and school. Sougo goes to the studio a lot.

Riku is working a lot too, but he makes sure it doesn’t affect his health.

Ryū:

And you?

Nagi:

I reduced my workload a bit. But I regret that decision. I get easily bored now.

So you visiting felt just right. Welcome.

Ryū:

You saying that makes me feel more at ease… I was wondering if I was pushing you too much.

Nagi:

Don’t worry! But it’s cramped inside with two grown men. Let us take a walk outside.

Ryū:

B-but what if people see us…

Nagi:

No problem. It’s the time for people to be looking up at the flowers.

Outside in a park with blooming cherry trees.

Ryū:

…ahaha! It fell down to the bottom of a lake in mid-winter!? The important suitcase?

Nagi:

Ahaha, indeed. Even after having lost all of his belongings, Haruki acted as if nothing happened.

He said he’d surely find it once spring came and the ice melted.

Ryū:

Did he?

Nagi:

He did not. But he always came up with stories. He said that mice living in the lake were using it…

Ryū:

Omusubi kororin!

Nagi:

WHAT?

Ryū:

It’s an old Japanese folktale. A rice ball falls into a hole and feeds a family of mice.

Nagi:

One mouse with a big box and another one with a small box?

Ryū:

Exactly! Ah, Sakura-san seems funny. He’s good at jokes and sounds like a kind person.

Nagi:

He loved being alone, but he also loved feeling the love inside of others.

He was like a big tree that would shelter travellers from the rain.

Ryū:

Sounds like an amazing person… Seems difficult to do.

Nagi:

Difficult?

Ryū:

… Uhm, please don’t take this any bad way, but…

Nagi:

Yes?

Ryū:

Are Sakura-san and I similar in any aspect?

Nagi:

…

Ryū:

You don’t have to look so grim…

Nagi:

Haruki was skilled at handling love. But you’re different, aren’t you? You’re a shy beast.

Ryū:

You’re not wrong… Saying stuff like I love you is kinda embarrassing…

…neither you nor Sakura-san seem to be embarrassed about saying I love you. Why?

Nagi:

Love is a wonderful thing. Like a flower on the roadside or a bird on the roof. I’m also happy when I’m being told that.

Haruki knew that. That no matter what kind of person you are, you liked being told that you’re loved.

And also that every love is both salvation and danger.

Ryū:

…did he also talk about Zero that way?

Nagi:

Zero?

Ryū:

I want to know how Sakura Haruki felt about Zero.

Sakura-san gave his songs to three people. Zero, you and Kujou-san.

I was wondering what Sakura-san thought, what he wished for when creating songs… If you could tell me anything…

Cut to Ryū’s apartment.

Riku:

…Tenn-nii, what did you wanna talk about? That’s why you called me, right?

Tenn:

It’s nothing much. I was just wondering how you were doing, because we hadn’t seen each other in a while.

Riku:

You wouldn’t just call me over because of that, right? You’ve been acting weird. Even your voice is so kind…

Tenn:

Haha… Is that weird?

Riku:

I’m happy, but… You were strict, weren’t you? You always scolded me.

Tenn:

This isn’t our workplace after all. Riku, look at me. Show me your face.

Riku:

…

Tenn:

You grew up. Have you had any bad attacks lately?

Riku:

No…

Tenn:

Takanashi-san is looking after all of you, isn’t she?

Well, then you’re fine already, right?

Riku:

What do you mean…?

Tenn:

Meaning that you’re not dependent on your big bro anymore. …listen, Riku. I want you to promise me something.

Riku:

A promise?

Tenn:

TRIGGER will star in a new musical soon. I can’t tell you the title yet though.

Do not come watch it under any circumstances.

 

8.3. The expression on that day

Riku:

…why? Why can’t I go watch it? I wanna see you on stage.

Tenn:

Please. Promise me.

Riku:

No! I won’t… I don’t even get why.

Tenn:

Please.

Riku:

…

Tenn:

Riku. This is my wish of a lifetime.

Riku:

…why? What’s the reason?

Tenn:

The play this time is… difficult. To be honest, I’m not confident in it. I don’t want you to see me like that.

Riku:

Lies. You wouldn’t show your fans either if you’re not willing to show me.

You wouldn’t stand on stage if you weren’t confident in yourself.

Because you’re a professional.

Tenn:

I was. I’m not anymore. Things happened and I grew weak.

Riku:

You’re hiding things from me again, why!?

Tenn:

…

Riku:

How often do you think I can be deceived!? Stop it… Why are you…

Tenn:

What’s up, Riku? Are you feeling unwell? Did what I said come out wrong…

Riku:

And stop that coaxing voice! I know it! Tenn-nii…

…because of me…

Tenn:

What are you talking about? Calm down, Riku…

Riku:

Because of me, you…

Tenn:

Shh… Stay calm. You’ll get an attack if you get excited.

Riku:

…

Tenn:

I’ll pat your back. It’s okay… Take a deep breath.

Riku:

I’m not getting an attack! I’m angry! Nothing is okay like this…

Tenn:

Sorry, Riku…

Riku:

Don’t apologise! Please, don’t, just tell me everything.

What are you planning, Tenn-nii? What about TRIGGER’s musical? Tell me. I’ve become strong already.

I can take it, no matter what. I can fight alongside you! Don’t treat me like an outsider!

Tenn:

…

Promise that you won’t come watch. If you do and keep your promise, I’ll believe that you’ve become strong.

Riku:

And if I don’t keep the promise?

Tenn:

Then I will never see you again.

Riku:

…then let me tell you! I’ll go to every performance and watch everything!!

Tenn:

Riku…

Riku:

Why are you saying you’ll never see me again, as if you could do that!

You may have left us with that intention, but didn’t we meet again after becoming idols!?

I chased after you, was helped out multiple times by my group members and became IDOLiSH7!

Tenn-nii… Tenn, don’t think that I’ll always remain the little brother that listens to your every word!

Tenn:

…

Annoying…

Riku:

Ahh! He said he’s annoyed!!

Tenn:

Just don’t come watch. That’s all I have to say.

Riku:

No! What’s the next musical? Why don’t you want me to go watch?

Saying you’re not confident is a lie! The stage is our promise with the fans, right? You’ll do it perfectly once the day comes.

That is Kujou Tenn, that is TRIGGER. If you weren’t confident about it there’s no way Yaotome-san and Tsunashi-san would leave you alone with that.

Tenn:

…

Riku:

Tell me… You used to protect me all the time. Now it’s my turn to protect you, Tenn-nii.

Don’t make that face like you’re leaving without saying goodbye…

Tenn:

Deep breath.

Thanks, Riku.

Riku:

Tenn-nii…

Tenn:

But I’m sorry. I have just one wish for you. That you won’t come watch the play.

That is all.

Riku:

…

…I see. Fine.

Cut to IDOLiSH7’s practice room.

Tsumugi:

…my dreams and worries have overlapped with Kujou-san and Zero countless times.

What would I do if IDOLiSH7 suddenly disappeared? What would I do if I lost the people I care for and my dreams at the same time…?

Would I hate them, like Kujou-san felt towards Zero? Would I keep looking for them, like Sakura-san did for Zero? Or something completely different…

What would you do, Yaotome-san?

Gaku:

Me? If Tenn or Ryū disappeared?

Tsumugi:

Yes.

Gaku:

…let’s see…

I’d like to go look for them until the end of the earth, but if I were to disappear too, then TRIGGER would be gone.

I would wait for them, singing on my own. That way I could protect TRIGGER.

Tsumugi:

…wouldn’t that be lonely?

Gaku:

Of course it would. But because I believe in them, I’m not scared of solitude.

Tsumugi:

…amazing… I might lack that resolution.

Right now, the wind is blowing for IDOLiSH7 and there are two feelings inside of me. One is to let them ride the wind like this and continue their journey no matter where it takes them…

The other one is wondering if I should lower the sails, so the ship doesn’t break and can continue safely for a long time…

Those two feelings are fighting each other… I’m good-for-nothing, even though I’m supposed to take the helm.

Gaku:

I get you though. Nanase’s popularity is crazy. Even Tenn worries when he’s watching him on TV.

What about Nanase himself? He was weak to stress, right?

Tsumugi:

He didn’t have any problems recently… Maybe it’s because Iori-kun’s been supporting him.

Gaku:

I see. That’s nice. Tenn said that Nanase’s approach to popularity reminded him of Zero at his prime.

Tsumugi:

Zero…

Gaku:

I don’t know much myself either, but all of Japan had their eyes on Zero and were expecting a lot from him. Apparently, everyone was excited about him.

Makes me think of how much pressure that was. If the same happened to Nanase, what would you do?

Tsumugi:

…

I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to see Riku-san overcome Zero.

I’m sure I’d be overflowing with feelings of joy, pride, and fulfilment. Like, “I did it!”...

…but it is genuinely scary. What would happen to Riku-san, to IDOLiSH7… what would happen to us…?

Would I be able to protect Riku-san and the others once all control has been lost…? And how would I even do that?

Gaku:

…I bet Kujou wasn’t scared. And because he wasn’t scared, he came to hate Zero.

Like how you’d despise your comrade in arms if they’d disappear right before a battle they had no chance of losing.

Tsumugi:

But… is that something to despise? If it were me, I would search for the responsibility within myself. If there was something that drove him to the wall to the point of disappearing.

Gaku:

…you’re right.

Kujou houses both the feelings of hatred towards Zero and of self-condemnation towards himself.

The feelings of loving Zero and hating Zero are fighting each other.

Tsumugi:

…

Gaku:

Thanks, Tsumugi. I think I kinda understand it now.

Tsumugi:

I’m sorry that this conversation turned out like this… But I'd be happy if it was helpful to you.

You said you need to understand Kujou-san for your work, right?

Gaku:

Yeah.

Tsumugi:

I’m not going to ask you more about it now, but I’m looking forward to it.

Gaku:

Thank you.

 

8.4. “ “

Nagi:

I don’t know what Haruki felt or thought about when he composed his songs.

We didn’t talk much about Zero.

Ryū:

Why?

Nagi:

At first, I pestered him to tell me. But when he talked about Zero, it seemed like he was about to go away.

Because I didn’t want to lose Haruki, I gradually stopped asking him. But he seemed blessed whenever he talked about Zero.

Ryū:

…

Nagi:

Tsunashi-shi. Haruki bet his life in search of a friend he never found.

Was he unhappy?

Ryū:

…I don’t think so. You said he was skilled at handling love, right? He must’ve been happy with you there for him at the end.

Nagi:

… …sorry…

Ryū:

Nagi-kun…

Nagi:

…don’t worry please. Whenever I think of his final moments, tears start flowing.

But that comes to me as natural as breathing… It’s a bit bothersome if it happens out of nowhere though…

Ryū:

Here, I have a handkerchief… You can use it if you want…

Nagi:

Thanks… Did you get to understand Haruki?

Ryū:

I wonder… I feel like I did but also like I know less now…

But I’m glad I asked you, just like Kujou-san said.

Nagi:

Kujou… Mister Kujou told you, that’s why you came?

Ryū:

Ah… Yeah…

Nagi:

Why did you…? And also, Mister Kujou is Haruki’s friend.

Wouldn’t Mister Kujou know more about Haruki?

Ryū:

…that’s what I said too, but he kept denying it.

He said it was because they never met up again after breaking up.

Nagi:

Haruki wouldn’t entrust his posthumous works to someone that wasn’t his friend.

Ryū:

I think so too. But Kujou-san…

Nagi:

What is it? Please tell me.

Ryū:

He said Sakura-san got interested in the aurora kingdom’s prince and passed away there. That the prince probably knows more.

Nagi:

…was that sarcasm?

Ryū:

…I don’t think so… It seemed like Kujou-san really didn’t understand Sakura-san.

Like he couldn’t accept that Sakura-san would create songs for someone other than Zero… I think their ways of thinking didn’t line up.

Nagi:

Even though Mister Kujou himself is raising an idol to overcome Zero?

Ryū:

I agree. I think he’s contradicting himself.

But to me it felt like… he did want to understand Sakura-san at some point.

Acting like it didn’t concern him but in truth he was lonely… Like he was jealous of you.

Nagi:

…

Nagi:

I found your common feature with Haruki.

Ryū:

Really? What is it?

Nagi:

Haruki was searching for Zero until the day he died.

If Yaotome-shi and Kujou-shi were to disappear someday… I think you would keep searching for them as well.

Ryū:

…that’s… I think I get that.

Nagi:

Unable to listen to someone’s advice while knowing what it means to love. Stubborn until you die.

Ryū:

Well, I need Gaku and Tenn. I’d wanna see them again no matter what.

I think I wouldn’t give up, even if I got sick or ended up in a cold country, for which I’m really not suited, having been born in Okinawa.

Nagi:

Haha… That sounds like you. Please do wander around aimlessly. I’m sure no gentle prince will appear next time.

I’ve had my fill of stories ending in goodbyes. I don’t need any new ones for a while.

Ryū:

You won’t have to. I’ve already met you. We can make it another story.

And while we’re at it, a happy one would be nice.

Nagi:

Hm… The way you talk about happiness might also be somewhat similar to him?

Ryū:

Really? I’ll take notes.

Nagi:

I believe Natsume-shi is more fixated than me. Take care not to receive his severe criticism.

Ryū:

Criticism… Did you get why I asked you about Sakura-san?

Nagi:

But of course. It is the same as with “Crescent Wolf”, right? The much-discussed work that came after Mister Chiba’s retirement.

The work that appeared after a well-known composer’s obituary.

Ryū:

Don’t get it wrong! It’s not such a commercial plan. You see, the plan from some tens of years ago…

Nagi:

Stop! Are you allowed to tell me any more than that? Isn’t it a corporate secret?

Ryū:

…right. I can’t talk about it yet.

Nagi:

Please do your best, so that Natsume-shi won’t rate you one star.

Cut to TSUKUMO’s office.

Minami:

Sneezes.

Shirou:

Caught a cold?

Minami:

No… I feel like someone’s been talking about me. And in a quite unpleasant way…

Shirou:

I’m happy to see that both filming for the drama and the new song’s sales are doing great.

“Backyard MAGIC” is scheduled to start soon as well. I’m curious about everyone’s responses to it.

Minami:

Indeed. It’s rare for the two of us to be alone, isn’t it, Utsugi-san?

Shirou:

…

Minami:

Why did you become silent?

Shirou:

Well, I was thinking the same, but hearing you say it startled me a bit…

Minami:

That it’s just us two?

Shirou:

Yeah.

Minami:

Well then let’s exchange some secrets to comply with your imagination. Let us talk about “Backyard MAGIC”, which you people have been working on behind the scenes.

Shirou:

It wasn’t behind the scenes. I just took part with help from the Okazaki Agency’s connection…

Minami:

An idol documentary. The main MC is IDOLiSH7’s tremendously vigorous Izumi Mitsuki-san.

And the first idols to be features are IDOLiSH7, ŹOOĻ, Re:vale. And TRIGGER.

IDOLiSH7 and ŹOOĻ will be followed during their filming of “Auberge La Plage” and “BLAST”.

Re:vale-san will be followed during their variety show project of composing a song on a deserted island, right?

Shirou:

Exactly.

Minami:

So, what about TRIGGER?

Shirou:

…

Minami:

Why don’t I start then? It’s about a project that has been revived after laying dormant for many years due to the leading role’s disappearance, correct?

Shirou:

As expected of Natsume-san, you do know your showbiz history. So you were even aware of that illusionary title?

Minami:

Of course. The leading role actor that disappeared at the prime of his time—Zero.

A musical, for which Sakura-san composed all the songs and Zero himself was supposed to act out half of his life.

“Zero”.

 

To be continued…